Day 37 Post Op

WELL. Talk about a physical/emotional/mental breakdown. I'm sorry you all had to witness that. But I'm glad to say I'm feeling much better already (ah the miracle of Vitamin C and doterra oils-thanks Ames!), and can even breathe out of one nostril. My doctor put me on anti-biotics and Mucinex, both of which are huge horse pills that I gag on every time. It's not all that fun. Also...sneezing. Sneezing is scary, mostly for everyone around me because I'm not allowed to hold it in (on account of blowing air into my cheeks through the incisions in my sinuses) so I just basically have to explode like a virus bomb. I really hope I don't have to sneeze on the plane ride tomorrow or I will be making fast enemies all around.

There's been a new development in my left jaw joint. For a few weeks it has been giving me a little pain and making this crunching noise, which has now progressed into a full blown POPPING sound/feeling. It's almost as if something (I'm betting on my TMJ disc) is popping out of place. This happens several times a minute, anytime I clench my teeth, swallow, talk, drink, etc. It's not exactly debilitating but it is quite jarring. However, I've brought it up twice to the surgeon and both times he said this is probably just swelling and inflamation from the surgery that will go away with time. But juuuust because I'm running for title of most-annoying-patient-ever, I left him a message today asking about it again. I know. I regretted it the moment I hung up.

Here is a picture of my face. Swelling is really down, some people even say I look like good ole me again. I've got some asymmetry still, which I'm totally embracing because it's the Aubs way. I'm kind of glad they were able to fix my bite without making me look like a cookie cutter real housewife of Orange County.

The plan is to fly out on Saturday. Wish me luck, feeling nervous about sinus pressure and hunger while traveling, and also leaving my poor kitty who seems to have caught a cold too. I know, so sad right? Sick animals are so much sadder than sick humans.

Post Op Day 34

Just kill me.

I've managed to get myself a cold, because that's how I roll. I feel as sick as week 2 and I can't even sleep for relief because I CANNOT BREATHE. Can't blow my nose either, because that will cause a sinus infection. So I have to lay around with tissues in my nose and breathing out of clenched teeth with a cracking jaw and a sore throat.

And I'm starving.

I just break down crying every five minutes. I hate everything.

Day 30 Post Op!

4 WEEKS WHAAAAT?

Sometimes I look at how far I have to go in the recovery (they say 90 days before you feel 100%) and get really down, but right now, in this moment, I can honestly say that time.has.flown. I'm 2/3 of the way until I can unband my teeth and 1/3 of the way until I'm back eating burgers and sandwiches e'rry day!

Most people post op say their swelling is worse in the morning, but strangely enough, I feel the exact opposite. My swelling seems to peak at night, at least on the left side of my face. This morning when we woke up Hunter said that my swelling looks completely gone, which is far from the truth, but it made me feel really good nevertheless. But every day it goes down a noticeable amount so I am not despairing! I suppose I just keep whining about it because after looking at the same face for 25 years, it's a little strange to see the chipmunky version of Aubs smiling back from the mirror for 30 days straight. Did I just refer to myself in the third person? I do believe Aubrey did.

It's easier to show my swelling in a side profile pic. Can you tell? Chunky cheeks?

Here is the most amazing thing...after 25 years of having an irritating cross bite that made my joints miserable and made it impossible to bite off sandwiches and pasta...(see pre-op pic below)

...My upper and lower teeth have finally been introduced! If nothing else, this is an amazing perk.

So today was a great day overall, I kept the TV off (which I have noticed helps me feel sooo much better) and wrote all day; I had enough energy and self-will to make dinner for the hubs for the first time (don't be impressed it was an omelet) and then made myself some buttery, salty, hot grits and, with a considerable amount of milk added, slurped them up the straw. For lunch I ate some potato soup which I hadn't had in a while, so it made me happy. On the same note...(Mom don't read this)....I've lost about 10 lbs thus far. I can't say I'm complaining, but I also am not under the false impression that there is any way I will keep it off. I'll just enjoy the next month of being back to my wedding weight before I go back to eating burgers and fries and being a little bit chubbier and a whole lot happier. :)

I even talked and laughed and had a splendid chat session with these beauties tonight (sisters!! the big head is my little sis Meg and the one in the middle that I completely cut off is my older sis Kate.)

Something that I consider to be a really amazing sign (maybe I already talked about this), is that even though my teeth are literally constantly being forced to clench, I have not had ONE TMJ headache! I've had headaches here and there, but trust me, I know the difference between a normal tension headache and a TMJ  headache. TMJ is more of a pounding behind my eyes that radiates up the nape of my neck, edging on a migraine. I used to wake up with them several times a week...sometimes even every night, several times a night. It was miseraaaable. Crossing my fingers that the surgery did what it was supposed to!

I didn't sleep great last night because it was my first night not taking some sort of sleeping aid since the surgery, and I've got a pretty gnarly knot in my neck so it's going to be a deliciously hot shower and an early bed for me.

Keep up the good work, me! It's possible that I am going to make it through, and looking ever more possible that I may look back one day and say "hey, that was totally worth it!"

xoxo

Day 27 Post Op

The wait is over! The wait is over all around the world! I am posting anew. The English prince is born. The corpse flower in the US Botanical Garden has bloomed.

What a great day.

I just finished vacuuming the entire house which pretty much destroyed me. I will not be leaving this couch for the rest of the night. Now...I'm almost 4 weeks post op, so I'm starting to wonder if I'm still recovering or just majorly out of shape?

I'm pretty much breaking down on an hourly basis about food at this point. How does anyone do this?! How?! It's crazy. I actually called the surgeon today and tried to trick him into telling me it was okay to eat food, as long as I swallowed it without chewing. He was not fooled. He basically told me to keep my mouth shut. FINE.

It's so weird because my numbness and swelling is so much worse on the left side of my face. The right side looks almost totally normal, except a little chipmunky, but the left side is still a balloon. I have zero feeling in my upper lip or nose on that side. I've been drinking tons of water and trying to sleep on the other side of my face to help the swelling and numbness go down which seems to be working really well.

The incisions in my mouth have gotten sooooo much better! I'm so pleased I don't have to worry about the ground beef gums any more. I also can talk a lot better without the splint, so I've started answering the phone when people call. I can also call in my own take-out pho. I'm such a big girl!

I'm going to a beach house family reunion back east in about 2 weeks. That will make me 5.5 weeks post op when I fly out, which I am a little nervous about. I've been reading about horror stories like unbearable sinus pressure and blood clots and even heart attacks for people that have flown too soon after jaw surgery. Of course I will be fine! I'm just really great at worrying and giving myself terrible anxiety pains.

Hmm...that's all. Every day get's better (except for the eating thing). I'll post a pic in a couple days.

Day 20 Post Op

Interesting conversation with my mom today. She was talking with a friend who was previously an OR nurse and mentioned that I was recovering from surgery. The lady inquired about what kind of surgery and apparently had a very jarring reaction when she heard it was jaw surgery...saying that it was so crazy and complicated and invasive and miraculous what they do in there. My mom commented on how long the surgery is (5.5 hours) and compared it to open heart surgery, and the nurse laughed and said that open heart surgery is a cakewalk compared to what they do in jaw surgery, saying they basically take your face apart, which wasn't a great visual, so my mom stopped the conversation there.

Crazy. I'm glad I'm hearing all this AFTER the take-apart-my-face-for-five-hours surgery. Feeling grateful and blessed at how smoothly it went. Thanks to my wonderful surgeon for putting my face back together appropriately. Whew!

Day 19 Post Op...video!

I just watched it and realized I touch my hair a lot because the fan is blowin' it all around. Oops, que va.

Day 18 Post Op

Hello and good evening to my dedicated readers! (Hi mom, Hi dad.)

Sorry it's been a while since I posted. My attitude has taken a dive since the last time I updated and I didn't want to burden my blog with negativity. Mostly I burdened by poor, patient husband with it. But here it is, the good the bad and the ugly.

Eating.is.depressing. DEPRESSING. I am hitting a major eating wall here people. Like the Great Wall of China sized wall. This wall can be seen from outer space. If I never see ensure or mashed potatoes or refried beans again it will be too soon. I torture myself by watching Food Network all day long and I don't know why I can't stop. I've started to compose a mental list of all the places I am going to eat as soon as this nightmare is over. Chick-fil-a is up there, Jerry's Dogs, Baja Fish Tacos, Cheesecake Factory, this random Philly Cheese Steak Place in Huntington Beach (yes I will drive all the way there), Rico's Tacos, MXN....it goes on and on. Watching TV is the worst because of all the food commercials. Actually doing anything is the worst because I always think "this would be so much better if I was eating right now." ex: laying at the pool, going to the park, reading, watching movies with the hubs. Virtually everything in my life revolves around food and now I know it for certain.

This terrible honkin' splint in my mouth has started to creep into my dreams. I don't think I've explained it before, but it is like a huge plastic plate in my mouth that extends from my bite between my teeth to the back of my throat. It's supposed to be there to set my new bite in place and train my jaw. Back to the dreams...the other night I had a dream that I had so much taffy in my mouth I couldn't get my teeth open. During today's nap I dreamed that I had such a huge wad of gum in my mouth that it was suffocating me. These are both directly related to how this splint feels in my mouth when I am conscious. but the GOOD NEWS is: on Tuesday Dr. Wyatt is going to remove the split!!!!! I am counting down the minutes.

Talking is still difficult and unnatural. People notice. So I'm a little bit embarrassed to go anywhere, especially where prolonged interactions are required. For example: the other day I went to pick myself up some soup from a take-out order my husband called in for me. I tried to keep it short and sweet and enunciate a curt "Pick up for Aubrey" to the guy at the register, doing my best with my teeth wired shut and this big ole splint smashing down my tongue. But then he started asking me questions about my credit card and things just got awkward. When I was walking away with my face red and soup in hand, he called out "God Bless You"......Trust me he did not look like the overly religious type. This is what I'm talking about here! People think I'm like permanently disabled and disfigured.  I am growing so empathetic for people with real disability.

Okay so the good news is the headaches have gone down! I still get one every once in a while, but they are soooo manageable compared to the ones during the first 2 weeks. I HOPE it's because my muscles are finally getting used to my new jaw structure. Or it could just be the fact that I went and got a massage (totally awkward trying to explain to her my jaw situation, whole other story), and I took a muscle relaxant. However, something strange happened after I took the muscle relaxant. I got the worst RLS! For 2 days and 2 nights I had to keep my legs moving or I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. It's the strangest thing. I went on walks, marched in front of the TV, hung on to the side of the pool and kicked my legs around like a lunatic....nothing seemed to help. Only time has been helpful. They still feel a little bit restless, but are improving I think. I am so baffled about why I am afflicted with this strange condition....was it truly the muscle relaxant? Was it sitting around for 2 weeks straight? Was it some sort of side effect of coming off pain meds? Dont know.

Okay look carefully at that jaw below. Does it look even to you? Me neither. What the heck Dr. Wyatt? If I had done this surgery for cosmetic reasons I would be beyond furious. But as it is, I'm just hoping for a normal bite and a jaw joint that's happy and relaxed. But who knows, maybe it's just the swelling is going down unevenly? Here's to hoping...

Side view

Here's an angle just so you can see how the swelling persists. I mean check out those cheeks! Check out that upper lip! Now you know what I mean by T-Rex jowls.

Today I moved my head to the right and there was a sharp pain that zipped below my right jawline. Oh how I wished it was the other jaw giving me pain, because then I could brush it off as a "normal recovery pain." But the left side of my jaw, if you'll remember, is where that blasted SHRAPNEL from the surgery is wedged. Could it be floating around and jabbing into my poor tortured jaw bone? Could it be floating the other way, ready to poke itself right out of my skin? Could it be making its way up to my brain? THESE are valid concerns that inevitably Dr. Wyatt will brush off. Well, I'll still going to voice them, even if I end up being the crazy patient that the whole office staff laughs about at happy hour.

My tongue feels fuzzy. Have you ever had that? Where if you don't brush your teeth for a while, things start to feel fuzzy in there? It's disgusting and driving me crazyyyy, but I can't get a toothbrush inside so there ain't a thing I can do about it. So....I sleep.

G'night!

Day 13 Post Op

This ain't no glamour shoot...

I'm not sure whether to smile or not in these photos so it's juuuuuust a touch awkward but we'll all forgive it. Mostly I'm taking these pics for myself so I can see that I AM progressing and that the swelling IS going down little by little. At times I get a little short of breath thinking my face will be stuck in swollen T-Rex mode for the rest of my life, but these daily photos help me keep the superficial (superFACIAL? ha ok, not funny) panic attacks in check. You can see from the side view that my upper lip is still a swollen nasty looking botox lip which drives me crazy!!! It's a horrid ever present fear that producers from The Real Housewives of Orange County are going to show up at my door and ask me to participate. For the record, I would say no.

Today is my last day with mama :( I'm going to cry buckets when she leaves. But I feel stronger every day and even though the simple act of making lunch for myself requires a 45 minute nap on the couch afterward, I'm fairly confident that I will be okay on my own. Just bored probably. So this blog might start to get a lot of lovin'. Also I'll just put it out there...I'm writing a book. BAH! NO! Forget I even said anything!

Today ate this soup that I had made before the surgery and then froze it into ice cube trays (for easy single-serving fixin'). It's a loaded baked potato soup. I warmed up a few soup cubes, added lots of cheese and hot sauce and it was pretty tasty. Also some mango Jell-o. Does anyone care what I eat? Who knows. I think it's pretty interesting.

Headache, shoulder ache, neck ache. Numbness on my nose, cheeks, and upper lip still. My mouth is unthawing and I'm starting to realize it's like ground beef in there. Sorry for the gross visual. There are just so many stitches and chomped places and indentations from all the metal in on my teeth.

Today I wondered aloud why my lips are so cracked and terrible after 2 weeks of my rigorous and persistent moisturizing routine.  My mom said it was because they had been stretched to Timbucktoo during the surgery, which got me thinking...what exactly did they do to me during those 5 hours under anesthesia? So I did something...I did something I regret....

I Youtubed jaw surgery.

No.

You just can't unsee that kind of stuff.

Day 12 Post Op

Almost two weeks peeps! I am almost 1/3 done! It's a miracle.

We went to the Dr. today for a check-up. He said everything looks great, no infection (which I had a minor paranoia breakdown about a few days ago when my lip puffed up suddenly), and I'm healing nicely. Then he took an x-ray and we found something interesting...

Besides all the screws in my bottom jaw and plates in the upper jaw, can you spot something funny? Here, take a closer look....

What in the blazes is THAT? 

Dr. Wyatt is all, "hmmm...looks like...a wire...how did that get there?" ...You tell me Dr. Wyatt. You.tell.me. After Dr. Wyatt studies it a moment my mom is all like "...did you leave a wire in there?" She was joking, but he was not when he responded "yeah looks like we did. Hm. Let's keep an eye on that." After he felt around my face for a moment he shrugged and informed me that it wasn't a big deal and I'll be fine just like all those other people that get blown up in war zones and walk around with shrapnel in their face. They're fine, and so am I.

So anyway whatever. Battle scars I suppose.

Swelling down more, hooray! I still look like a T-rex with a big frightening lower jowl, but my face is starting to look like my face again. Only uncrooked. Truth be told, I had kind of grown to love my big ole wonky jaw, it was part of my aubness. But it caused me pain so it had to go. Ain't nobody got time for that.

The food situation has gotten better because we've  stumbled upon some palatable things....KFC mashed potatoes, lots of gravy and thinned out with some milk mmmm. Also, pintos and cheese from Taco Bell. We added milk and a ton of hot sauce and extra cheese, then syringed it straight into the belly. So spicy and good. Then yesterday my mom made beef stew and blended it up real good, thinned it with milk, and I syringed it down. Delicious. It just feels good to have hot savory food in my belly because I'm so sick of anything sweet and especially anything chocolate flavored. All the time I feel starving. ALL THE TIME. No matter if I just ate 3 minutes ago. I think it's because it takes so little time to digest food that is already liquified. OH! Another delicious thing is jell-o stuffed into my syringe because its actually the one food that maintains it's texture. It feels like I'm shooting jell-o cannon balls into my mouth and they explode through my teeth.

The first thing everyone says when I tell them about my surgery, without fail, is "oh my heavens you're going to lose so much weight!" Like first of all, thanks for that because are you saying I have so much weight to lose? (Just kidding I'm not offended I just love being snarky on my blog). And second of all, just no. I'm getting tons of calories through Ensure and other things because my body NEEDS the calories to recover properly. So I want to put everyone's hearts to rest and know that I'm not going to skeletonize. I know it defies the logic of being put on a 6 week liquid diet, but, it is what it is.

Here is a pic of me eating the delicious beef stew. I have an angry face because I'm tired of the syringe.

Here is my mom trying to blenderize Pad Thai. This was a massive FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! I'll never be able to eat Pad Thai again. It tasted like peanut glop vom.

Thanks everyone for checking in! Doing good, I'm so so blessed to have such a great recovery. The muscle spasms and headaches continue, but they are so little compared to all the other pains that could be happening after such an invasive surgery.

Check back soon for more adventures in the land of syringe meals and swollen jowls. xoxo

Day 8 Post Op

Pain: 4/10
Inconvenience: 9/10

A post without a pic is no post at all! So here you have it, fresh out of the bath, hair a-flyin, fresh faced and about to sleep. If you think "oh she looks so different," it's because I'm still very swollen. I don't think these pics do my chipmunk cheeks justice. Also it could be that I'm wearing no make-up and my hair has been unbrushed for many days. Also, it's dark. Also, the webcam is cheap. So what I'm saying is....I don't look different, so don't think that, and even if you think it I'll kindly ask you to not ever say it.

Today was a great day! GREAT BECAUSE MY DEAR MOTHER HAS ADJUSTED HER FLIGHT TO STAY ANOTHER WEEK!!! Bless her ever-selfless soul because I could NOT do anything without her. All I have to do is grunt and SNAP she is at my side with an Ensure in a syringe faster than I can say...well anything really. Because saying anything is hard and cumbersome. I mean seriously it's starting to feel indulgent how little I have had to do for myself. This evening I told Hunter I feel like a princess and jokingly suggested that my mom read my book to me in my nightly bath ...cut to later that night, I'm sinking into the chin high bubbles in the warm bath she drew for me...and suddenly my mom calls from my bedroom, "I'm ready! Can you hear me? Where are we...here... 'Prince Kiggs took a step toward me,"...HAHAHA. Best. Mom. Ever.

Anyway, it's not all bubbles and bedtime stories. The swelling continues to go down little by little but I'm still really numb. My muscles all around my neck and jaw and shoulders are in a constant state of near-spasm, and most of the time my head either hurts or feels dizzy. But today I am proud to say I controlled the pain with only ibuprofin (no serious pain killers).

I know what you guys really want to hear about...eating. It's the bane of my existence. I've never known true hunger until now. It's only day 8 and already I've attempted to blenderize several strange things including manacotti and pad thai. It ends up kind of the consistency of puke and just makes me sad. Everything has to be super thin so it can get sucked up into a syringe, and then I have to push the syringe into the back of my mouth and squirt. The one thing that made me feel really human was when Uncle B brought over this yummy Thai coconut soup, and then my mom blended it with some tofu and I drank it from a cup. Ensure makes me want to dieeeeee, ugh so gross, but it's effects on making me feel better are immediate. I've managed to keep my calories up so I haven't really lost any weight, which my mom seems to think is a good thing, and I'm like whatever. I just want to feel good.

I managed to stick the tip of my tongue out between my front teeth and lick the seasoning off of 4 chili lime almonds today. It was delicious, but I suffered the consequences of over extending my jaw for the rest of the day. No more monkey business for me. Plus my mom threatened to tell my doctor I was licking almonds.

Day 7 Post Op.....Warning: attempt to smile may scare children and small animals

Pain: 4/10
Inconvenience: 8/10

Progress! I'm still totally numb and I look a little cray cray, but that is the first smilish looking picture that I have attempted yet. It's a great day to be alive.

People (mom, the dr, other patient's jaw surgery blogs, Hunter), all told me, "You will turn the corner soon and feel so much better" and every day I hoped for the corner to be in sight, but it was not. I was miserable to the highest extent miserable can be extended. Dizzy, headache, nausea, hungry and not hungry at the same time, weak, depressed, swollen, sore. The pain was intense. I wished for death more than once. (Okay maybe a bit melodramatic, but when pain is so excruciating and endless, it feels that way.)

BUT! Yesterday we went to doctor and he scolded me about my eating habits and told me things would turn around if I would force myself to eat. See, nothing has sounded worse than eating these past 3 days. I felt like if I took a sip of ensure I would puke it right back up, and even though my mom fought me on it, that sane stubborn Aubrey that ripped out the IV in the hospital thought she knew best. I drank lots of gatorade (it went down easy) but there just weren't enough calories or protein in my diet, so I unknowingly gave myself terrible headaches, dizziness and increased nausea.

So after we got home from the DR, my mom helped me pound the nasty Ensures and I kept up on my pain meds all day and started to feel a little better. I even drank from a cup for the first time instead of a syringe and felt little bit like a human. Then my mom had the BEST idea and made me a nice warm bath, complete with relaxing head pillow and music, and I drifted into an out of body experience free of pain or sickness. Heaven. Slept for 12 hours and ouila! I'm like a new woman.

(Guest Blogger has now stepped in. *This is Lezlie. Aubrey has written all she can and she has slumped back into her resting position. She has asked me to finish this off.)

Aubrey still has a lot of numbness and she is as weak as a new-born colt, but the pain is manageable today (love those heavy drugs!). I think she is seeing that corner in her future... the one we've all been telling her is there. And I am happy to report, today is the day she is going to turn it. I just know it!

It has been a lot of fun to be here actually. Not so fun to see her suffer terribly, or drive with her in the car while she moans that I can't go over 15 miles an hour because it hurts, or clean up the chocolate Ensure when it sprays all over the place becuase the syringe tube has popped off. But it has been really fun to watch movies together (highly recommend The Quartet... loved it), read books out loud to her to pass the time and help her not think about her pounding head, and see everyone's kind outreaches to her. This has truly warmed my heart.

Yesterday I heard Aubrey making the most racquet I'd heard her make since I arrived. I hurried into the room to find her in spasmodic convulsions trying not to laugh or smile. She'd just received the pic below of sweet little Lizzy.

This was Lizzy, Aj and Jen's attempt to cheer her up and it worked! Thank you all for being such great family and friends to Aubrey. We can feel your prayers. I say we becuase I feel them too! As her care giver, I have been buoyed up in many ways. Keep the love comin'!

Till next time, Aubs and Mom/Lezlie

Everyone lies

Everyone tells me tomorrow will be a better day.

That has yet to happen.

Day 4 Post Op

 Pain: 6-7/10
Inconvenience: 9/10

There it is folks. The face. Swelling has gone down a bit, lips are still pretty jacked up, eyes stuck in a forever sad expression. They are sad because I cannot eat or breathe or smile.

Today was hard. Uncle Cameron and Aunt Lisa and their kids just flew in from Hawaii and stopped by. It was good to see them even though I was obviously less than ideal company. My mom picked up a lot of the slack and made them lunch, etc. They have adorable kids.

I'm soooo sick of taking medicine. It's like every 2 hours more medicine which upsets my stomach and makes my mouth taste bad for hours on end. The ice packs are my saving grace. Whenever I put a fresh one out of the freezer on my jaw it's like AHHHHH the most intense relief I've ever felt in my life. Without them my face feels like a hot balloon about to explode.

The pain, oh the pain. Just listen up... Don't get jaw surgery. I don't know what else to tell you.

Day 3 Post op! The jaw bone connects to the pain bone

 Pain: 5/10
Inconvenience: 10/10

I don't know where it came from or why I can't get it out of my head, but "the jaw bone connects to the...PAIN BONE" keeps repeating in the back of my head.

I'm home from the hospital, under the diligent care of my beautiful mother and sweet husband. Recap time:

Tuesday morning Hunt and I checked in to the hospital surgery center nice and early at 6am. Some nice nurses made me get into my hospital gown ran some blood and urine tests, which resulted in a big high five and laugh between Hunter and I when they announced the surgery was a go because I was definitely not pregnant. We waited for about an hour for the anesthesia tech and nurse and Dr. Wyatt to get themselves all set, and I'll not mince words with you, I was so freakin brave. Calm, cool, and collected, my friends. Only a short burst of tears when they gave me my anesthesia and wheeled me away from Hunter. I only caught a glimpse of the OR before I conked out without even counting down from ten.....

Then, there were lights, voices complimenting my coral painted toe nails, Hunter whispering into my ear something about being a champion...and NAUSEA. Ugh, the nausea. I was so loopy, all I could do was wave my hands around and the nurses kept thinking I was saying something about getting the doctor confused with Hunter, when finally my soul mate saved my life and announced "I think she is saying she is going to throw up," followed by a mad dash to get some anti-nausea meds into my IV. I felt the burn as the medicine ripped through my veins and BOOM out like a light again. This happened maybe 3 or 4 more times, while I was only catching glimpses of the stark hospital walls as they wheeled me to my private room.

Faint of heart, read not on.

I can't remember much of the rest of this day, lots of sleeping interrupted by my heart pounding in my chest warning me about the oncoming puke, followed by my begging my body not to do it. I was so scared that the force  would rip my jaw in two. But alas, my nurse finally did not make it in time and the vomit came. Oh it came. Bloody, thick, spewing through the sides of my cheeks where there were spaces to escape my teeth, all over. The bed, my gown, the nurse, all covered in vomit blood. Apparetly I had swallowed copious amounts of blood during the surgery. Sorry for the details, peeps, but it's life. The poor nurses had to figure out how to change my bed after I threw up everywhere, and kept laughing at me as I tried to motion for them not to worry about it. I think even I laughed a little bit at the looniness of trying to sleep in my own mess. I felt better after I vomited, but it didn't last long. Every hour or so the pounding would return, and the nurse taught me how to use the suction device to just suck it straight from my mouth without getting it everywhere. Happened 5,6 more times, each time more painful than the last because there was nothing in my stomach any more so it was a violent dry heave. Pain: 9/10. Awful. Maybeee a 10 but I'm saving my 10 for child birth just in case it's worse.

Finally I learned a very valuable lesson: STOP pressing the morphine button! After that, I didn't throw up. When I woke up the next day, the nurses took out all the most annoying things attached to my body and I felt SO much better. Cathatar, intibation that went into my lungs and stomach, and oxygen mask, gone. Whew, felt so much better. I drank some Gatorade with the help of Hunter, and slept and laid around. The pain wasn't too bad but the nastiness of it all was maddening. My mouth felt like a prison and I was rotting away inside.  I couldn't breath, speak, eat, nothing. My wrist felt like it was being gnawed away my the IV, and I kept asking the nurse to take it out, but she wouldn't! So when she left, you betcha I took matters into my own hands. Ripped that sucker right out. Props to my father-in-law for laughing it off and calling for the nurse as my blood shot out of my wrist and my IV sprayed all over. The nurse was so kind of told me I could keep it out for a few hours through my sobbing apology.

Anyway, not much else happened. The next morning (today) Hunter picked up my mom from the airport and I was discharged. We stopped by Dr. Wyatt's office and he said the surgery went totally smoothly and I was doing great. I'm alright. A little frustrated, terrible indigestion, headache, burning hot and swollen, but not as bad as you might expect 2 days post op.

My mom and Hunter and being such wonderful servants. I feel bad letting them wait on me so much, but I really not no other choice because standing and walking results in terrible dizziness. Drinking tons of medicines, Gatorade, 7-up, and Ensure. Bleh, all gross. Anyway, I'm starting to talk a little bit now because the Dr. loosened my bands a little bit.

HAVE to shout out to Hunter for being the best care taker in the world, seriously can't believe how kind and patient he is and how he understands my every mumbled grumbled word. He was my translator to the nurses. Mother-in-Law for cleaning my house until it shined when I got home from the hospital I found my bed with new silky sheets, linen closet organized, and fridge stacked with food for Hunter and mom. My father-in-law for being a great caretaker in the hospital as Hunter went home to shower, my sister Kate for the amazing care package complete with clearplay, books galore, and 42 hand written notes to open every day of the recovery. My sister-in-law Jen and brother AJ for the Mist Born series which I have wanted to read for so long!! My niece Lizzy for the "cats rule dogs drool" bookmark and for telling me I look "not too scary" while face timing today. My wonderful dad who let me be on his insurance for this entire thing, and for finagling a way to come visit later on, and my kind and devoted mother for flying all the way out and missing family reunion to spend time doting on me and just being a light around the house. And all those from church who've inquired and brought over nice things!

I was scared to be discharged from the hospital because it was nice to be under such watchful care, but I gotta say it feels sooo good to be home. Amazing what a long hot shower and your own bed can do. Here are some pics!

 Second day of recovery. Parents-in-laws and Hunter.

 My first walk around the hospital. Exhausting.

 Dr. Wyatt and me

Mom and me.

 Discharged!!

Good to be home!

T Minus ONE days!

Twas the night before surgery and all through the house,
I was like a crazed starving tornado eating everything in sight.

 I.mean.everything. Kit Kat bars, Reeses' Fast Breaks, cookies, fruit snacks, red vines. All this after a delicious steak dinner at Flemings, too. Wipe that judgmental scowl off your face, I'm having jaw surgery tomorrow and that means...my teeth are going to be WIRED SHUT! Six weeks of eating nothing but things that can be sucked through a straw. If anyone knows me, you know that there would be no greater challenge life could throw my way than to take my food from me. Terrible. But let's start from the beginning.

Since high school, I have been suffering from chronic headaches. I never though much about it until college and I started to realize how many bottles of Ibuprofin I was going through, and it occurred to me that it probably wasn't normal to be in pain that many times a week. I started to track my headaches and pay attention to how they started. I felt like the pain would radiate through my jaw joint, down the base of my neck, and behind my eyes. Almost every night I would wake up with a pounding headache and have to take medicine. They started to get progressively worse (migraines) and my jaw reflected the degeneration- about once a week it would lock up and crack super loud, which was very jarring and a little bit scary. I realized the two were probably related, so I started looking into what it could be. After seeing a dozen doctors, I was diagnosed with TMJ disorder, which is essentially arthritis in my jaw joint because my jaw/bite has grown in a way that puts lots of pressure on my joints. Turned out, my brother in law Tanner, his mom, and his sisters had all been treated for TMJ as well! This turned out to be a huge blessing because after seeing SO many doctors that gladly took my money and did ZERO help for my TMJ, they were able to direct me to a doctor that actually knew what he was doing! Trust me when I say, that in itself was a miracle.

Dr. Correa took a bazillion tests and treated me with a splint for about eight months, and it relieved my symptoms, but it was only a temporary solution. After everything was stabilized, it was time for braces and surgery. The idea of the surgery is that it will correct my bite and the misalignment in my jaw, which will relieve the pressure in my jaw joints. Eight months more of braces to get everything set for surgery, and here we are! Granted this was a much watered down version, and if you want to hear about every treatment (physical therapy, splints, acupuncture, chiropractic, etc), I can surely give that to you personally. But I'm prettttty sure my phone won't be ringing off the hook in response to that offer.

So my sister Kate recommended I start this blog, as an outlet and a way to keep everyone updated on my recovery.

SO! I'm feeling surprisingly calm... headache, as usual. Maybe a little stressed if anything, because I'm a planning freak and I'm going over and over in my head trying to make sure I have everything set for my recovery. I've got a plethora of items including, funny looking strawed bottles, juicer, hand blender, mesh strainer, wedge pillow, alcohol-free mouth wash, baby tooth brushes, baby nose sucker, mini white board (to communicate with), tons of liquid foods, etc.

People always say this when they go through hard things...but...the support I've felt from my family has been SO touching. I feel so buoyed by their faith and kindness. Without even asking for it, my family has been fasting and praying, sending gifts, calling, sending thoughtful emails, etc. My mom is coming out to take care of me for a week after I'm discharged from the hospital (best mom ever), because even though Hunter was more than willing to step up, there's nothing like being under the watchful care of mama. Speaking of which, I would be remiss if I did not give a giant shout out to the best, sweetest, most amazing husband in the world...a bazillion back rubs, doctors appts, and dollars later, we are finally looking at a hopeful end to the suffering. Thanks babe for always taking care of me and always supporting me in every way in this treatment.

The surgery is 7:30am tomorrow, so we have to be there at 6am to check in. The surgery should take about 5 hours and then I will be in the hospital for 2 days after. I should probably head to bed, here are a few pics for "before" surgery, even though the doctor said I wouldn't really look much different afterward (thank heavens). You will probably get a kick out of how frankensteinish I look right after surgery though, so you can compare that hideous face to this slightly less hideous one.


You can see here how my jaw swings to the right.

Here is a pic of me smiling my braces smile with my "last supper" tonight. Filet mignon with gorgonzola sauce, asparagus, and peppercorn mashed potatoes. AKA manna from heaven. It's going to be bittersweet remembering that meal as I slurp up my chicken stock and gatorade for the next 6 weeks.

Anyway, bed. Good luck to me! xoxo