Day 18 Post Op

Hello and good evening to my dedicated readers! (Hi mom, Hi dad.)

Sorry it's been a while since I posted. My attitude has taken a dive since the last time I updated and I didn't want to burden my blog with negativity. Mostly I burdened by poor, patient husband with it. But here it is, the good the bad and the ugly.

Eating.is.depressing. DEPRESSING. I am hitting a major eating wall here people. Like the Great Wall of China sized wall. This wall can be seen from outer space. If I never see ensure or mashed potatoes or refried beans again it will be too soon. I torture myself by watching Food Network all day long and I don't know why I can't stop. I've started to compose a mental list of all the places I am going to eat as soon as this nightmare is over. Chick-fil-a is up there, Jerry's Dogs, Baja Fish Tacos, Cheesecake Factory, this random Philly Cheese Steak Place in Huntington Beach (yes I will drive all the way there), Rico's Tacos, MXN....it goes on and on. Watching TV is the worst because of all the food commercials. Actually doing anything is the worst because I always think "this would be so much better if I was eating right now." ex: laying at the pool, going to the park, reading, watching movies with the hubs. Virtually everything in my life revolves around food and now I know it for certain.

This terrible honkin' splint in my mouth has started to creep into my dreams. I don't think I've explained it before, but it is like a huge plastic plate in my mouth that extends from my bite between my teeth to the back of my throat. It's supposed to be there to set my new bite in place and train my jaw. Back to the dreams...the other night I had a dream that I had so much taffy in my mouth I couldn't get my teeth open. During today's nap I dreamed that I had such a huge wad of gum in my mouth that it was suffocating me. These are both directly related to how this splint feels in my mouth when I am conscious. but the GOOD NEWS is: on Tuesday Dr. Wyatt is going to remove the split!!!!! I am counting down the minutes.

Talking is still difficult and unnatural. People notice. So I'm a little bit embarrassed to go anywhere, especially where prolonged interactions are required. For example: the other day I went to pick myself up some soup from a take-out order my husband called in for me. I tried to keep it short and sweet and enunciate a curt "Pick up for Aubrey" to the guy at the register, doing my best with my teeth wired shut and this big ole splint smashing down my tongue. But then he started asking me questions about my credit card and things just got awkward. When I was walking away with my face red and soup in hand, he called out "God Bless You"......Trust me he did not look like the overly religious type. This is what I'm talking about here! People think I'm like permanently disabled and disfigured.  I am growing so empathetic for people with real disability.

Okay so the good news is the headaches have gone down! I still get one every once in a while, but they are soooo manageable compared to the ones during the first 2 weeks. I HOPE it's because my muscles are finally getting used to my new jaw structure. Or it could just be the fact that I went and got a massage (totally awkward trying to explain to her my jaw situation, whole other story), and I took a muscle relaxant. However, something strange happened after I took the muscle relaxant. I got the worst RLS! For 2 days and 2 nights I had to keep my legs moving or I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. It's the strangest thing. I went on walks, marched in front of the TV, hung on to the side of the pool and kicked my legs around like a lunatic....nothing seemed to help. Only time has been helpful. They still feel a little bit restless, but are improving I think. I am so baffled about why I am afflicted with this strange condition....was it truly the muscle relaxant? Was it sitting around for 2 weeks straight? Was it some sort of side effect of coming off pain meds? Dont know.

Okay look carefully at that jaw below. Does it look even to you? Me neither. What the heck Dr. Wyatt? If I had done this surgery for cosmetic reasons I would be beyond furious. But as it is, I'm just hoping for a normal bite and a jaw joint that's happy and relaxed. But who knows, maybe it's just the swelling is going down unevenly? Here's to hoping...

Side view

Here's an angle just so you can see how the swelling persists. I mean check out those cheeks! Check out that upper lip! Now you know what I mean by T-Rex jowls.

Today I moved my head to the right and there was a sharp pain that zipped below my right jawline. Oh how I wished it was the other jaw giving me pain, because then I could brush it off as a "normal recovery pain." But the left side of my jaw, if you'll remember, is where that blasted SHRAPNEL from the surgery is wedged. Could it be floating around and jabbing into my poor tortured jaw bone? Could it be floating the other way, ready to poke itself right out of my skin? Could it be making its way up to my brain? THESE are valid concerns that inevitably Dr. Wyatt will brush off. Well, I'll still going to voice them, even if I end up being the crazy patient that the whole office staff laughs about at happy hour.

My tongue feels fuzzy. Have you ever had that? Where if you don't brush your teeth for a while, things start to feel fuzzy in there? It's disgusting and driving me crazyyyy, but I can't get a toothbrush inside so there ain't a thing I can do about it. So....I sleep.

G'night!