Just kill me.
I've managed to get myself a cold, because that's how I roll. I feel as sick as week 2 and I can't even sleep for relief because I CANNOT BREATHE. Can't blow my nose either, because that will cause a sinus infection. So I have to lay around with tissues in my nose and breathing out of clenched teeth with a cracking jaw and a sore throat.
And I'm starving.
I just break down crying every five minutes. I hate everything.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Day 30 Post Op!
4 WEEKS WHAAAAT?
Sometimes I look at how far I have to go in the recovery (they say 90 days before you feel 100%) and get really down, but right now, in this moment, I can honestly say that time.has.flown. I'm 2/3 of the way until I can unband my teeth and 1/3 of the way until I'm back eating burgers and sandwiches e'rry day!
Most people post op say their swelling is worse in the morning, but strangely enough, I feel the exact opposite. My swelling seems to peak at night, at least on the left side of my face. This morning when we woke up Hunter said that my swelling looks completely gone, which is far from the truth, but it made me feel really good nevertheless. But every day it goes down a noticeable amount so I am not despairing! I suppose I just keep whining about it because after looking at the same face for 25 years, it's a little strange to see the chipmunky version of Aubs smiling back from the mirror for 30 days straight. Did I just refer to myself in the third person? I do believe Aubrey did.
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So today was a great day overall, I kept the TV off (which I have noticed helps me feel sooo much better) and wrote all day; I had enough energy and self-will to make dinner for the hubs for the first time (don't be impressed it was an omelet) and then made myself some buttery, salty, hot grits and, with a considerable amount of milk added, slurped them up the straw. For lunch I ate some potato soup which I hadn't had in a while, so it made me happy. On the same note...(Mom don't read this)....I've lost about 10 lbs thus far. I can't say I'm complaining, but I also am not under the false impression that there is any way I will keep it off. I'll just enjoy the next month of being back to my wedding weight before I go back to eating burgers and fries and being a little bit chubbier and a whole lot happier. :)
I even talked and laughed and had a splendid chat session with these beauties tonight (sisters!! the big head is my little sis Meg and the one in the middle that I completely cut off is my older sis Kate.)
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Something that I consider to be a really amazing sign (maybe I already talked about this), is that even though my teeth are literally constantly being forced to clench, I have not had ONE TMJ headache! I've had headaches here and there, but trust me, I know the difference between a normal tension headache and a TMJ headache. TMJ is more of a pounding behind my eyes that radiates up the nape of my neck, edging on a migraine. I used to wake up with them several times a week...sometimes even every night, several times a night. It was miseraaaable. Crossing my fingers that the surgery did what it was supposed to!
I didn't sleep great last night because it was my first night not taking some sort of sleeping aid since the surgery, and I've got a pretty gnarly knot in my neck so it's going to be a deliciously hot shower and an early bed for me.
Keep up the good work, me! It's possible that I am going to make it through, and looking ever more possible that I may look back one day and say "hey, that was totally worth it!"
xoxo
Sometimes I look at how far I have to go in the recovery (they say 90 days before you feel 100%) and get really down, but right now, in this moment, I can honestly say that time.has.flown. I'm 2/3 of the way until I can unband my teeth and 1/3 of the way until I'm back eating burgers and sandwiches e'rry day!
Most people post op say their swelling is worse in the morning, but strangely enough, I feel the exact opposite. My swelling seems to peak at night, at least on the left side of my face. This morning when we woke up Hunter said that my swelling looks completely gone, which is far from the truth, but it made me feel really good nevertheless. But every day it goes down a noticeable amount so I am not despairing! I suppose I just keep whining about it because after looking at the same face for 25 years, it's a little strange to see the chipmunky version of Aubs smiling back from the mirror for 30 days straight. Did I just refer to myself in the third person? I do believe Aubrey did.
It's easier to show my swelling in a side profile pic. Can you tell? Chunky cheeks?
Here is the most amazing thing...after 25 years of having an irritating cross bite that made my joints miserable and made it impossible to bite off sandwiches and pasta...(see pre-op pic below)
.JPG)
...My upper and lower teeth have finally been introduced! If nothing else, this is an amazing perk.
So today was a great day overall, I kept the TV off (which I have noticed helps me feel sooo much better) and wrote all day; I had enough energy and self-will to make dinner for the hubs for the first time (don't be impressed it was an omelet) and then made myself some buttery, salty, hot grits and, with a considerable amount of milk added, slurped them up the straw. For lunch I ate some potato soup which I hadn't had in a while, so it made me happy. On the same note...(Mom don't read this)....I've lost about 10 lbs thus far. I can't say I'm complaining, but I also am not under the false impression that there is any way I will keep it off. I'll just enjoy the next month of being back to my wedding weight before I go back to eating burgers and fries and being a little bit chubbier and a whole lot happier. :)
I even talked and laughed and had a splendid chat session with these beauties tonight (sisters!! the big head is my little sis Meg and the one in the middle that I completely cut off is my older sis Kate.)
.JPG)
Something that I consider to be a really amazing sign (maybe I already talked about this), is that even though my teeth are literally constantly being forced to clench, I have not had ONE TMJ headache! I've had headaches here and there, but trust me, I know the difference between a normal tension headache and a TMJ headache. TMJ is more of a pounding behind my eyes that radiates up the nape of my neck, edging on a migraine. I used to wake up with them several times a week...sometimes even every night, several times a night. It was miseraaaable. Crossing my fingers that the surgery did what it was supposed to!
I didn't sleep great last night because it was my first night not taking some sort of sleeping aid since the surgery, and I've got a pretty gnarly knot in my neck so it's going to be a deliciously hot shower and an early bed for me.
Keep up the good work, me! It's possible that I am going to make it through, and looking ever more possible that I may look back one day and say "hey, that was totally worth it!"
xoxo
Monday, July 22, 2013
Day 27 Post Op
The wait is over! The wait is over all around the world! I am posting anew. The English prince is born. The corpse flower in the US Botanical Garden has bloomed.
What a great day.
I just finished vacuuming the entire house which pretty much destroyed me. I will not be leaving this couch for the rest of the night. Now...I'm almost 4 weeks post op, so I'm starting to wonder if I'm still recovering or just majorly out of shape?
I'm pretty much breaking down on an hourly basis about food at this point. How does anyone do this?! How?! It's crazy. I actually called the surgeon today and tried to trick him into telling me it was okay to eat food, as long as I swallowed it without chewing. He was not fooled. He basically told me to keep my mouth shut. FINE.
It's so weird because my numbness and swelling is so much worse on the left side of my face. The right side looks almost totally normal, except a little chipmunky, but the left side is still a balloon. I have zero feeling in my upper lip or nose on that side. I've been drinking tons of water and trying to sleep on the other side of my face to help the swelling and numbness go down which seems to be working really well.
The incisions in my mouth have gotten sooooo much better! I'm so pleased I don't have to worry about the ground beef gums any more. I also can talk a lot better without the splint, so I've started answering the phone when people call. I can also call in my own take-out pho. I'm such a big girl!
I'm going to a beach house family reunion back east in about 2 weeks. That will make me 5.5 weeks post op when I fly out, which I am a little nervous about. I've been reading about horror stories like unbearable sinus pressure and blood clots and even heart attacks for people that have flown too soon after jaw surgery. Of course I will be fine! I'm just really great at worrying and giving myself terrible anxiety pains.
Hmm...that's all. Every day get's better (except for the eating thing). I'll post a pic in a couple days.
What a great day.
I just finished vacuuming the entire house which pretty much destroyed me. I will not be leaving this couch for the rest of the night. Now...I'm almost 4 weeks post op, so I'm starting to wonder if I'm still recovering or just majorly out of shape?
I'm pretty much breaking down on an hourly basis about food at this point. How does anyone do this?! How?! It's crazy. I actually called the surgeon today and tried to trick him into telling me it was okay to eat food, as long as I swallowed it without chewing. He was not fooled. He basically told me to keep my mouth shut. FINE.
It's so weird because my numbness and swelling is so much worse on the left side of my face. The right side looks almost totally normal, except a little chipmunky, but the left side is still a balloon. I have zero feeling in my upper lip or nose on that side. I've been drinking tons of water and trying to sleep on the other side of my face to help the swelling and numbness go down which seems to be working really well.
The incisions in my mouth have gotten sooooo much better! I'm so pleased I don't have to worry about the ground beef gums any more. I also can talk a lot better without the splint, so I've started answering the phone when people call. I can also call in my own take-out pho. I'm such a big girl!
I'm going to a beach house family reunion back east in about 2 weeks. That will make me 5.5 weeks post op when I fly out, which I am a little nervous about. I've been reading about horror stories like unbearable sinus pressure and blood clots and even heart attacks for people that have flown too soon after jaw surgery. Of course I will be fine! I'm just really great at worrying and giving myself terrible anxiety pains.
Hmm...that's all. Every day get's better (except for the eating thing). I'll post a pic in a couple days.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Day 20 Post Op
Interesting conversation with my mom today. She was talking with a friend who was previously an OR nurse and mentioned that I was recovering from surgery. The lady inquired about what kind of surgery and apparently had a very jarring reaction when she heard it was jaw surgery...saying that it was so crazy and complicated and invasive and miraculous what they do in there. My mom commented on how long the surgery is (5.5 hours) and compared it to open heart surgery, and the nurse laughed and said that open heart surgery is a cakewalk compared to what they do in jaw surgery, saying they basically take your face apart, which wasn't a great visual, so my mom stopped the conversation there.
Crazy. I'm glad I'm hearing all this AFTER the take-apart-my-face-for-five-hours surgery. Feeling grateful and blessed at how smoothly it went. Thanks to my wonderful surgeon for putting my face back together appropriately. Whew!
Crazy. I'm glad I'm hearing all this AFTER the take-apart-my-face-for-five-hours surgery. Feeling grateful and blessed at how smoothly it went. Thanks to my wonderful surgeon for putting my face back together appropriately. Whew!
Monday, July 15, 2013
Day 19 Post Op...video!
I just watched it and realized I touch my hair a lot because the fan is blowin' it all around. Oops, que va.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Day 18 Post Op
Sorry it's been a while since I posted. My attitude has taken a dive since the last time I updated and I didn't want to burden my blog with negativity. Mostly I burdened by poor, patient husband with it. But here it is, the good the bad and the ugly.
Eating.is.depressing. DEPRESSING. I am hitting a major eating wall here people. Like the Great Wall of China sized wall. This wall can be seen from outer space. If I never see ensure or mashed potatoes or refried beans again it will be too soon. I torture myself by watching Food Network all day long and I don't know why I can't stop. I've started to compose a mental list of all the places I am going to eat as soon as this nightmare is over. Chick-fil-a is up there, Jerry's Dogs, Baja Fish Tacos, Cheesecake Factory, this random Philly Cheese Steak Place in Huntington Beach (yes I will drive all the way there), Rico's Tacos, MXN....it goes on and on. Watching TV is the worst because of all the food commercials. Actually doing anything is the worst because I always think "this would be so much better if I was eating right now." ex: laying at the pool, going to the park, reading, watching movies with the hubs. Virtually everything in my life revolves around food and now I know it for certain.
This terrible honkin' splint in my mouth has started to creep into my dreams. I don't think I've explained it before, but it is like a huge plastic plate in my mouth that extends from my bite between my teeth to the back of my throat. It's supposed to be there to set my new bite in place and train my jaw. Back to the dreams...the other night I had a dream that I had so much taffy in my mouth I couldn't get my teeth open. During today's nap I dreamed that I had such a huge wad of gum in my mouth that it was suffocating me. These are both directly related to how this splint feels in my mouth when I am conscious. but the GOOD NEWS is: on Tuesday Dr. Wyatt is going to remove the split!!!!! I am counting down the minutes.
Talking is still difficult and unnatural. People notice. So I'm a little bit embarrassed to go anywhere, especially where prolonged interactions are required. For example: the other day I went to pick myself up some soup from a take-out order my husband called in for me. I tried to keep it short and sweet and enunciate a curt "Pick up for Aubrey" to the guy at the register, doing my best with my teeth wired shut and this big ole splint smashing down my tongue. But then he started asking me questions about my credit card and things just got awkward. When I was walking away with my face red and soup in hand, he called out "God Bless You"......Trust me he did not look like the overly religious type. This is what I'm talking about here! People think I'm like permanently disabled and disfigured. I am growing so empathetic for people with real disability.
Okay so the good news is the headaches have gone down! I still get one every once in a while, but they are soooo manageable compared to the ones during the first 2 weeks. I HOPE it's because my muscles are finally getting used to my new jaw structure. Or it could just be the fact that I went and got a massage (totally awkward trying to explain to her my jaw situation, whole other story), and I took a muscle relaxant. However, something strange happened after I took the muscle relaxant. I got the worst RLS! For 2 days and 2 nights I had to keep my legs moving or I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. It's the strangest thing. I went on walks, marched in front of the TV, hung on to the side of the pool and kicked my legs around like a lunatic....nothing seemed to help. Only time has been helpful. They still feel a little bit restless, but are improving I think. I am so baffled about why I am afflicted with this strange condition....was it truly the muscle relaxant? Was it sitting around for 2 weeks straight? Was it some sort of side effect of coming off pain meds? Dont know.
Okay look carefully at that jaw below. Does it look even to you? Me neither. What the heck Dr. Wyatt? If I had done this surgery for cosmetic reasons I would be beyond furious. But as it is, I'm just hoping for a normal bite and a jaw joint that's happy and relaxed. But who knows, maybe it's just the swelling is going down unevenly? Here's to hoping...
Side view
Here's an angle just so you can see how the swelling persists. I mean check out those cheeks! Check out that upper lip! Now you know what I mean by T-Rex jowls.
Today I moved my head to the right and there was a sharp pain that zipped below my right jawline. Oh how I wished it was the other jaw giving me pain, because then I could brush it off as a "normal recovery pain." But the left side of my jaw, if you'll remember, is where that blasted SHRAPNEL from the surgery is wedged. Could it be floating around and jabbing into my poor tortured jaw bone? Could it be floating the other way, ready to poke itself right out of my skin? Could it be making its way up to my brain? THESE are valid concerns that inevitably Dr. Wyatt will brush off. Well, I'll still going to voice them, even if I end up being the crazy patient that the whole office staff laughs about at happy hour.
My tongue feels fuzzy. Have you ever had that? Where if you don't brush your teeth for a while, things start to feel fuzzy in there? It's disgusting and driving me crazyyyy, but I can't get a toothbrush inside so there ain't a thing I can do about it. So....I sleep.
G'night!
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Day 13 Post Op
This ain't no glamour shoot...
I'm not sure whether to smile or not in these photos so it's juuuuuust a touch awkward but we'll all forgive it. Mostly I'm taking these pics for myself so I can see that I AM progressing and that the swelling IS going down little by little. At times I get a little short of breath thinking my face will be stuck in swollen T-Rex mode for the rest of my life, but these daily photos help me keep the superficial (superFACIAL? ha ok, not funny) panic attacks in check. You can see from the side view that my upper lip is still a swollen nasty looking botox lip which drives me crazy!!! It's a horrid ever present fear that producers from The Real Housewives of Orange County are going to show up at my door and ask me to participate. For the record, I would say no.
Today is my last day with mama :( I'm going to cry buckets when she leaves. But I feel stronger every day and even though the simple act of making lunch for myself requires a 45 minute nap on the couch afterward, I'm fairly confident that I will be okay on my own. Just bored probably. So this blog might start to get a lot of lovin'. Also I'll just put it out there...I'm writing a book. BAH! NO! Forget I even said anything!
Today ate this soup that I had made before the surgery and then froze it into ice cube trays (for easy single-serving fixin'). It's a loaded baked potato soup. I warmed up a few soup cubes, added lots of cheese and hot sauce and it was pretty tasty. Also some mango Jell-o. Does anyone care what I eat? Who knows. I think it's pretty interesting.
Headache, shoulder ache, neck ache. Numbness on my nose, cheeks, and upper lip still. My mouth is unthawing and I'm starting to realize it's like ground beef in there. Sorry for the gross visual. There are just so many stitches and chomped places and indentations from all the metal in on my teeth.
Today I wondered aloud why my lips are so cracked and terrible after 2 weeks of my rigorous and persistent moisturizing routine. My mom said it was because they had been stretched to Timbucktoo during the surgery, which got me thinking...what exactly did they do to me during those 5 hours under anesthesia? So I did something...I did something I regret....
I Youtubed jaw surgery.
No.
You just can't unsee that kind of stuff.
Monday, July 8, 2013
Day 12 Post Op
Almost two weeks peeps! I am almost 1/3 done! It's a miracle.
We went to the Dr. today for a check-up. He said everything looks great, no infection (which I had a minor paranoia breakdown about a few days ago when my lip puffed up suddenly), and I'm healing nicely. Then he took an x-ray and we found something interesting...
Besides all the screws in my bottom jaw and plates in the upper jaw, can you spot something funny? Here, take a closer look....
Dr. Wyatt is all, "hmmm...looks like...a wire...how did that get there?" ...You tell me Dr. Wyatt. You.tell.me. After Dr. Wyatt studies it a moment my mom is all like "...did you leave a wire in there?" She was joking, but he was not when he responded "yeah looks like we did. Hm. Let's keep an eye on that." After he felt around my face for a moment he shrugged and informed me that it wasn't a big deal and I'll be fine just like all those other people that get blown up in war zones and walk around with shrapnel in their face. They're fine, and so am I.
So anyway whatever. Battle scars I suppose.
Swelling down more, hooray! I still look like a T-rex with a big frightening lower jowl, but my face is starting to look like my face again. Only uncrooked. Truth be told, I had kind of grown to love my big ole wonky jaw, it was part of my aubness. But it caused me pain so it had to go. Ain't nobody got time for that.
The food situation has gotten better because we've stumbled upon some palatable things....KFC mashed potatoes, lots of gravy and thinned out with some milk mmmm. Also, pintos and cheese from Taco Bell. We added milk and a ton of hot sauce and extra cheese, then syringed it straight into the belly. So spicy and good. Then yesterday my mom made beef stew and blended it up real good, thinned it with milk, and I syringed it down. Delicious. It just feels good to have hot savory food in my belly because I'm so sick of anything sweet and especially anything chocolate flavored. All the time I feel starving. ALL THE TIME. No matter if I just ate 3 minutes ago. I think it's because it takes so little time to digest food that is already liquified. OH! Another delicious thing is jell-o stuffed into my syringe because its actually the one food that maintains it's texture. It feels like I'm shooting jell-o cannon balls into my mouth and they explode through my teeth.
The first thing everyone says when I tell them about my surgery, without fail, is "oh my heavens you're going to lose so much weight!" Like first of all, thanks for that because are you saying I have so much weight to lose? (Just kidding I'm not offended I just love being snarky on my blog). And second of all, just no. I'm getting tons of calories through Ensure and other things because my body NEEDS the calories to recover properly. So I want to put everyone's hearts to rest and know that I'm not going to skeletonize. I know it defies the logic of being put on a 6 week liquid diet, but, it is what it is.
Here is a pic of me eating the delicious beef stew. I have an angry face because I'm tired of the syringe.
Here is my mom trying to blenderize Pad Thai. This was a massive FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! I'll never be able to eat Pad Thai again. It tasted like peanut glop vom.
Thanks everyone for checking in! Doing good, I'm so so blessed to have such a great recovery. The muscle spasms and headaches continue, but they are so little compared to all the other pains that could be happening after such an invasive surgery.
Check back soon for more adventures in the land of syringe meals and swollen jowls. xoxo
We went to the Dr. today for a check-up. He said everything looks great, no infection (which I had a minor paranoia breakdown about a few days ago when my lip puffed up suddenly), and I'm healing nicely. Then he took an x-ray and we found something interesting...
Besides all the screws in my bottom jaw and plates in the upper jaw, can you spot something funny? Here, take a closer look....
What in the blazes is THAT?
Dr. Wyatt is all, "hmmm...looks like...a wire...how did that get there?" ...You tell me Dr. Wyatt. You.tell.me. After Dr. Wyatt studies it a moment my mom is all like "...did you leave a wire in there?" She was joking, but he was not when he responded "yeah looks like we did. Hm. Let's keep an eye on that." After he felt around my face for a moment he shrugged and informed me that it wasn't a big deal and I'll be fine just like all those other people that get blown up in war zones and walk around with shrapnel in their face. They're fine, and so am I.
So anyway whatever. Battle scars I suppose.
Swelling down more, hooray! I still look like a T-rex with a big frightening lower jowl, but my face is starting to look like my face again. Only uncrooked. Truth be told, I had kind of grown to love my big ole wonky jaw, it was part of my aubness. But it caused me pain so it had to go. Ain't nobody got time for that.
The food situation has gotten better because we've stumbled upon some palatable things....KFC mashed potatoes, lots of gravy and thinned out with some milk mmmm. Also, pintos and cheese from Taco Bell. We added milk and a ton of hot sauce and extra cheese, then syringed it straight into the belly. So spicy and good. Then yesterday my mom made beef stew and blended it up real good, thinned it with milk, and I syringed it down. Delicious. It just feels good to have hot savory food in my belly because I'm so sick of anything sweet and especially anything chocolate flavored. All the time I feel starving. ALL THE TIME. No matter if I just ate 3 minutes ago. I think it's because it takes so little time to digest food that is already liquified. OH! Another delicious thing is jell-o stuffed into my syringe because its actually the one food that maintains it's texture. It feels like I'm shooting jell-o cannon balls into my mouth and they explode through my teeth.
The first thing everyone says when I tell them about my surgery, without fail, is "oh my heavens you're going to lose so much weight!" Like first of all, thanks for that because are you saying I have so much weight to lose? (Just kidding I'm not offended I just love being snarky on my blog). And second of all, just no. I'm getting tons of calories through Ensure and other things because my body NEEDS the calories to recover properly. So I want to put everyone's hearts to rest and know that I'm not going to skeletonize. I know it defies the logic of being put on a 6 week liquid diet, but, it is what it is.
Here is a pic of me eating the delicious beef stew. I have an angry face because I'm tired of the syringe.
Here is my mom trying to blenderize Pad Thai. This was a massive FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! I'll never be able to eat Pad Thai again. It tasted like peanut glop vom.
Thanks everyone for checking in! Doing good, I'm so so blessed to have such a great recovery. The muscle spasms and headaches continue, but they are so little compared to all the other pains that could be happening after such an invasive surgery.
Check back soon for more adventures in the land of syringe meals and swollen jowls. xoxo
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Day 8 Post Op
Pain: 4/10
Inconvenience: 9/10
A post without a pic is no post at all! So here you have it, fresh out of the bath, hair a-flyin, fresh faced and about to sleep. If you think "oh she looks so different," it's because I'm still very swollen. I don't think these pics do my chipmunk cheeks justice. Also it could be that I'm wearing no make-up and my hair has been unbrushed for many days. Also, it's dark. Also, the webcam is cheap. So what I'm saying is....I don't look different, so don't think that, and even if you think it I'll kindly ask you to not ever say it.
Today was a great day! GREAT BECAUSE MY DEAR MOTHER HAS ADJUSTED HER FLIGHT TO STAY ANOTHER WEEK!!! Bless her ever-selfless soul because I could NOT do anything without her. All I have to do is grunt and SNAP she is at my side with an Ensure in a syringe faster than I can say...well anything really. Because saying anything is hard and cumbersome. I mean seriously it's starting to feel indulgent how little I have had to do for myself. This evening I told Hunter I feel like a princess and jokingly suggested that my mom read my book to me in my nightly bath ...cut to later that night, I'm sinking into the chin high bubbles in the warm bath she drew for me...and suddenly my mom calls from my bedroom, "I'm ready! Can you hear me? Where are we...here... 'Prince Kiggs took a step toward me,"...HAHAHA. Best. Mom. Ever.
Anyway, it's not all bubbles and bedtime stories. The swelling continues to go down little by little but I'm still really numb. My muscles all around my neck and jaw and shoulders are in a constant state of near-spasm, and most of the time my head either hurts or feels dizzy. But today I am proud to say I controlled the pain with only ibuprofin (no serious pain killers).
I know what you guys really want to hear about...eating. It's the bane of my existence. I've never known true hunger until now. It's only day 8 and already I've attempted to blenderize several strange things including manacotti and pad thai. It ends up kind of the consistency of puke and just makes me sad. Everything has to be super thin so it can get sucked up into a syringe, and then I have to push the syringe into the back of my mouth and squirt. The one thing that made me feel really human was when Uncle B brought over this yummy Thai coconut soup, and then my mom blended it with some tofu and I drank it from a cup. Ensure makes me want to dieeeeee, ugh so gross, but it's effects on making me feel better are immediate. I've managed to keep my calories up so I haven't really lost any weight, which my mom seems to think is a good thing, and I'm like whatever. I just want to feel good.
I managed to stick the tip of my tongue out between my front teeth and lick the seasoning off of 4 chili lime almonds today. It was delicious, but I suffered the consequences of over extending my jaw for the rest of the day. No more monkey business for me. Plus my mom threatened to tell my doctor I was licking almonds.
Inconvenience: 9/10
A post without a pic is no post at all! So here you have it, fresh out of the bath, hair a-flyin, fresh faced and about to sleep. If you think "oh she looks so different," it's because I'm still very swollen. I don't think these pics do my chipmunk cheeks justice. Also it could be that I'm wearing no make-up and my hair has been unbrushed for many days. Also, it's dark. Also, the webcam is cheap. So what I'm saying is....I don't look different, so don't think that, and even if you think it I'll kindly ask you to not ever say it.
Today was a great day! GREAT BECAUSE MY DEAR MOTHER HAS ADJUSTED HER FLIGHT TO STAY ANOTHER WEEK!!! Bless her ever-selfless soul because I could NOT do anything without her. All I have to do is grunt and SNAP she is at my side with an Ensure in a syringe faster than I can say...well anything really. Because saying anything is hard and cumbersome. I mean seriously it's starting to feel indulgent how little I have had to do for myself. This evening I told Hunter I feel like a princess and jokingly suggested that my mom read my book to me in my nightly bath ...cut to later that night, I'm sinking into the chin high bubbles in the warm bath she drew for me...and suddenly my mom calls from my bedroom, "I'm ready! Can you hear me? Where are we...here... 'Prince Kiggs took a step toward me,"...HAHAHA. Best. Mom. Ever.
Anyway, it's not all bubbles and bedtime stories. The swelling continues to go down little by little but I'm still really numb. My muscles all around my neck and jaw and shoulders are in a constant state of near-spasm, and most of the time my head either hurts or feels dizzy. But today I am proud to say I controlled the pain with only ibuprofin (no serious pain killers).
I know what you guys really want to hear about...eating. It's the bane of my existence. I've never known true hunger until now. It's only day 8 and already I've attempted to blenderize several strange things including manacotti and pad thai. It ends up kind of the consistency of puke and just makes me sad. Everything has to be super thin so it can get sucked up into a syringe, and then I have to push the syringe into the back of my mouth and squirt. The one thing that made me feel really human was when Uncle B brought over this yummy Thai coconut soup, and then my mom blended it with some tofu and I drank it from a cup. Ensure makes me want to dieeeeee, ugh so gross, but it's effects on making me feel better are immediate. I've managed to keep my calories up so I haven't really lost any weight, which my mom seems to think is a good thing, and I'm like whatever. I just want to feel good.
I managed to stick the tip of my tongue out between my front teeth and lick the seasoning off of 4 chili lime almonds today. It was delicious, but I suffered the consequences of over extending my jaw for the rest of the day. No more monkey business for me. Plus my mom threatened to tell my doctor I was licking almonds.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Day 7 Post Op.....Warning: attempt to smile may scare children and small animals
Pain: 4/10
Inconvenience: 8/10
Progress! I'm still totally numb and I look a little cray cray, but that is the first smilish looking picture that I have attempted yet. It's a great day to be alive.
People (mom, the dr, other patient's jaw surgery blogs, Hunter), all told me, "You will turn the corner soon and feel so much better" and every day I hoped for the corner to be in sight, but it was not. I was miserable to the highest extent miserable can be extended. Dizzy, headache, nausea, hungry and not hungry at the same time, weak, depressed, swollen, sore. The pain was intense. I wished for death more than once. (Okay maybe a bit melodramatic, but when pain is so excruciating and endless, it feels that way.)
BUT! Yesterday we went to doctor and he scolded me about my eating habits and told me things would turn around if I would force myself to eat. See, nothing has sounded worse than eating these past 3 days. I felt like if I took a sip of ensure I would puke it right back up, and even though my mom fought me on it, that sane stubborn Aubrey that ripped out the IV in the hospital thought she knew best. I drank lots of gatorade (it went down easy) but there just weren't enough calories or protein in my diet, so I unknowingly gave myself terrible headaches, dizziness and increased nausea.
So after we got home from the DR, my mom helped me pound the nasty Ensures and I kept up on my pain meds all day and started to feel a little better. I even drank from a cup for the first time instead of a syringe and felt little bit like a human. Then my mom had the BEST idea and made me a nice warm bath, complete with relaxing head pillow and music, and I drifted into an out of body experience free of pain or sickness. Heaven. Slept for 12 hours and ouila! I'm like a new woman.
(Guest Blogger has now stepped in. *This is Lezlie. Aubrey has written all she can and she has slumped back into her resting position. She has asked me to finish this off.)
Aubrey still has a lot of numbness and she is as weak as a new-born colt, but the pain is manageable today (love those heavy drugs!). I think she is seeing that corner in her future... the one we've all been telling her is there. And I am happy to report, today is the day she is going to turn it. I just know it!
It has been a lot of fun to be here actually. Not so fun to see her suffer terribly, or drive with her in the car while she moans that I can't go over 15 miles an hour because it hurts, or clean up the chocolate Ensure when it sprays all over the place becuase the syringe tube has popped off. But it has been really fun to watch movies together (highly recommend The Quartet... loved it), read books out loud to her to pass the time and help her not think about her pounding head, and see everyone's kind outreaches to her. This has truly warmed my heart.
Yesterday I heard Aubrey making the most racquet I'd heard her make since I arrived. I hurried into the room to find her in spasmodic convulsions trying not to laugh or smile. She'd just received the pic below of sweet little Lizzy.
This was Lizzy, Aj and Jen's attempt to cheer her up and it worked! Thank you all for being such great family and friends to Aubrey. We can feel your prayers. I say we becuase I feel them too! As her care giver, I have been buoyed up in many ways. Keep the love comin'!
Till next time, Aubs and Mom/Lezlie
Inconvenience: 8/10
People (mom, the dr, other patient's jaw surgery blogs, Hunter), all told me, "You will turn the corner soon and feel so much better" and every day I hoped for the corner to be in sight, but it was not. I was miserable to the highest extent miserable can be extended. Dizzy, headache, nausea, hungry and not hungry at the same time, weak, depressed, swollen, sore. The pain was intense. I wished for death more than once. (Okay maybe a bit melodramatic, but when pain is so excruciating and endless, it feels that way.)
BUT! Yesterday we went to doctor and he scolded me about my eating habits and told me things would turn around if I would force myself to eat. See, nothing has sounded worse than eating these past 3 days. I felt like if I took a sip of ensure I would puke it right back up, and even though my mom fought me on it, that sane stubborn Aubrey that ripped out the IV in the hospital thought she knew best. I drank lots of gatorade (it went down easy) but there just weren't enough calories or protein in my diet, so I unknowingly gave myself terrible headaches, dizziness and increased nausea.
So after we got home from the DR, my mom helped me pound the nasty Ensures and I kept up on my pain meds all day and started to feel a little better. I even drank from a cup for the first time instead of a syringe and felt little bit like a human. Then my mom had the BEST idea and made me a nice warm bath, complete with relaxing head pillow and music, and I drifted into an out of body experience free of pain or sickness. Heaven. Slept for 12 hours and ouila! I'm like a new woman.
(Guest Blogger has now stepped in. *This is Lezlie. Aubrey has written all she can and she has slumped back into her resting position. She has asked me to finish this off.)
Aubrey still has a lot of numbness and she is as weak as a new-born colt, but the pain is manageable today (love those heavy drugs!). I think she is seeing that corner in her future... the one we've all been telling her is there. And I am happy to report, today is the day she is going to turn it. I just know it!
It has been a lot of fun to be here actually. Not so fun to see her suffer terribly, or drive with her in the car while she moans that I can't go over 15 miles an hour because it hurts, or clean up the chocolate Ensure when it sprays all over the place becuase the syringe tube has popped off. But it has been really fun to watch movies together (highly recommend The Quartet... loved it), read books out loud to her to pass the time and help her not think about her pounding head, and see everyone's kind outreaches to her. This has truly warmed my heart.
Yesterday I heard Aubrey making the most racquet I'd heard her make since I arrived. I hurried into the room to find her in spasmodic convulsions trying not to laugh or smile. She'd just received the pic below of sweet little Lizzy.
This was Lizzy, Aj and Jen's attempt to cheer her up and it worked! Thank you all for being such great family and friends to Aubrey. We can feel your prayers. I say we becuase I feel them too! As her care giver, I have been buoyed up in many ways. Keep the love comin'!
Till next time, Aubs and Mom/Lezlie
Monday, July 1, 2013
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