Day 37 Post Op

WELL. Talk about a physical/emotional/mental breakdown. I'm sorry you all had to witness that. But I'm glad to say I'm feeling much better already (ah the miracle of Vitamin C and doterra oils-thanks Ames!), and can even breathe out of one nostril. My doctor put me on anti-biotics and Mucinex, both of which are huge horse pills that I gag on every time. It's not all that fun. Also...sneezing. Sneezing is scary, mostly for everyone around me because I'm not allowed to hold it in (on account of blowing air into my cheeks through the incisions in my sinuses) so I just basically have to explode like a virus bomb. I really hope I don't have to sneeze on the plane ride tomorrow or I will be making fast enemies all around.

There's been a new development in my left jaw joint. For a few weeks it has been giving me a little pain and making this crunching noise, which has now progressed into a full blown POPPING sound/feeling. It's almost as if something (I'm betting on my TMJ disc) is popping out of place. This happens several times a minute, anytime I clench my teeth, swallow, talk, drink, etc. It's not exactly debilitating but it is quite jarring. However, I've brought it up twice to the surgeon and both times he said this is probably just swelling and inflamation from the surgery that will go away with time. But juuuust because I'm running for title of most-annoying-patient-ever, I left him a message today asking about it again. I know. I regretted it the moment I hung up.

Here is a picture of my face. Swelling is really down, some people even say I look like good ole me again. I've got some asymmetry still, which I'm totally embracing because it's the Aubs way. I'm kind of glad they were able to fix my bite without making me look like a cookie cutter real housewife of Orange County.

The plan is to fly out on Saturday. Wish me luck, feeling nervous about sinus pressure and hunger while traveling, and also leaving my poor kitty who seems to have caught a cold too. I know, so sad right? Sick animals are so much sadder than sick humans.

Post Op Day 34

Just kill me.

I've managed to get myself a cold, because that's how I roll. I feel as sick as week 2 and I can't even sleep for relief because I CANNOT BREATHE. Can't blow my nose either, because that will cause a sinus infection. So I have to lay around with tissues in my nose and breathing out of clenched teeth with a cracking jaw and a sore throat.

And I'm starving.

I just break down crying every five minutes. I hate everything.

Day 30 Post Op!

4 WEEKS WHAAAAT?

Sometimes I look at how far I have to go in the recovery (they say 90 days before you feel 100%) and get really down, but right now, in this moment, I can honestly say that time.has.flown. I'm 2/3 of the way until I can unband my teeth and 1/3 of the way until I'm back eating burgers and sandwiches e'rry day!

Most people post op say their swelling is worse in the morning, but strangely enough, I feel the exact opposite. My swelling seems to peak at night, at least on the left side of my face. This morning when we woke up Hunter said that my swelling looks completely gone, which is far from the truth, but it made me feel really good nevertheless. But every day it goes down a noticeable amount so I am not despairing! I suppose I just keep whining about it because after looking at the same face for 25 years, it's a little strange to see the chipmunky version of Aubs smiling back from the mirror for 30 days straight. Did I just refer to myself in the third person? I do believe Aubrey did.

It's easier to show my swelling in a side profile pic. Can you tell? Chunky cheeks?

Here is the most amazing thing...after 25 years of having an irritating cross bite that made my joints miserable and made it impossible to bite off sandwiches and pasta...(see pre-op pic below)

...My upper and lower teeth have finally been introduced! If nothing else, this is an amazing perk.

So today was a great day overall, I kept the TV off (which I have noticed helps me feel sooo much better) and wrote all day; I had enough energy and self-will to make dinner for the hubs for the first time (don't be impressed it was an omelet) and then made myself some buttery, salty, hot grits and, with a considerable amount of milk added, slurped them up the straw. For lunch I ate some potato soup which I hadn't had in a while, so it made me happy. On the same note...(Mom don't read this)....I've lost about 10 lbs thus far. I can't say I'm complaining, but I also am not under the false impression that there is any way I will keep it off. I'll just enjoy the next month of being back to my wedding weight before I go back to eating burgers and fries and being a little bit chubbier and a whole lot happier. :)

I even talked and laughed and had a splendid chat session with these beauties tonight (sisters!! the big head is my little sis Meg and the one in the middle that I completely cut off is my older sis Kate.)

Something that I consider to be a really amazing sign (maybe I already talked about this), is that even though my teeth are literally constantly being forced to clench, I have not had ONE TMJ headache! I've had headaches here and there, but trust me, I know the difference between a normal tension headache and a TMJ  headache. TMJ is more of a pounding behind my eyes that radiates up the nape of my neck, edging on a migraine. I used to wake up with them several times a week...sometimes even every night, several times a night. It was miseraaaable. Crossing my fingers that the surgery did what it was supposed to!

I didn't sleep great last night because it was my first night not taking some sort of sleeping aid since the surgery, and I've got a pretty gnarly knot in my neck so it's going to be a deliciously hot shower and an early bed for me.

Keep up the good work, me! It's possible that I am going to make it through, and looking ever more possible that I may look back one day and say "hey, that was totally worth it!"

xoxo

Day 27 Post Op

The wait is over! The wait is over all around the world! I am posting anew. The English prince is born. The corpse flower in the US Botanical Garden has bloomed.

What a great day.

I just finished vacuuming the entire house which pretty much destroyed me. I will not be leaving this couch for the rest of the night. Now...I'm almost 4 weeks post op, so I'm starting to wonder if I'm still recovering or just majorly out of shape?

I'm pretty much breaking down on an hourly basis about food at this point. How does anyone do this?! How?! It's crazy. I actually called the surgeon today and tried to trick him into telling me it was okay to eat food, as long as I swallowed it without chewing. He was not fooled. He basically told me to keep my mouth shut. FINE.

It's so weird because my numbness and swelling is so much worse on the left side of my face. The right side looks almost totally normal, except a little chipmunky, but the left side is still a balloon. I have zero feeling in my upper lip or nose on that side. I've been drinking tons of water and trying to sleep on the other side of my face to help the swelling and numbness go down which seems to be working really well.

The incisions in my mouth have gotten sooooo much better! I'm so pleased I don't have to worry about the ground beef gums any more. I also can talk a lot better without the splint, so I've started answering the phone when people call. I can also call in my own take-out pho. I'm such a big girl!

I'm going to a beach house family reunion back east in about 2 weeks. That will make me 5.5 weeks post op when I fly out, which I am a little nervous about. I've been reading about horror stories like unbearable sinus pressure and blood clots and even heart attacks for people that have flown too soon after jaw surgery. Of course I will be fine! I'm just really great at worrying and giving myself terrible anxiety pains.

Hmm...that's all. Every day get's better (except for the eating thing). I'll post a pic in a couple days.

Day 20 Post Op

Interesting conversation with my mom today. She was talking with a friend who was previously an OR nurse and mentioned that I was recovering from surgery. The lady inquired about what kind of surgery and apparently had a very jarring reaction when she heard it was jaw surgery...saying that it was so crazy and complicated and invasive and miraculous what they do in there. My mom commented on how long the surgery is (5.5 hours) and compared it to open heart surgery, and the nurse laughed and said that open heart surgery is a cakewalk compared to what they do in jaw surgery, saying they basically take your face apart, which wasn't a great visual, so my mom stopped the conversation there.

Crazy. I'm glad I'm hearing all this AFTER the take-apart-my-face-for-five-hours surgery. Feeling grateful and blessed at how smoothly it went. Thanks to my wonderful surgeon for putting my face back together appropriately. Whew!

Day 19 Post Op...video!

I just watched it and realized I touch my hair a lot because the fan is blowin' it all around. Oops, que va.

Day 18 Post Op

Hello and good evening to my dedicated readers! (Hi mom, Hi dad.)

Sorry it's been a while since I posted. My attitude has taken a dive since the last time I updated and I didn't want to burden my blog with negativity. Mostly I burdened by poor, patient husband with it. But here it is, the good the bad and the ugly.

Eating.is.depressing. DEPRESSING. I am hitting a major eating wall here people. Like the Great Wall of China sized wall. This wall can be seen from outer space. If I never see ensure or mashed potatoes or refried beans again it will be too soon. I torture myself by watching Food Network all day long and I don't know why I can't stop. I've started to compose a mental list of all the places I am going to eat as soon as this nightmare is over. Chick-fil-a is up there, Jerry's Dogs, Baja Fish Tacos, Cheesecake Factory, this random Philly Cheese Steak Place in Huntington Beach (yes I will drive all the way there), Rico's Tacos, MXN....it goes on and on. Watching TV is the worst because of all the food commercials. Actually doing anything is the worst because I always think "this would be so much better if I was eating right now." ex: laying at the pool, going to the park, reading, watching movies with the hubs. Virtually everything in my life revolves around food and now I know it for certain.

This terrible honkin' splint in my mouth has started to creep into my dreams. I don't think I've explained it before, but it is like a huge plastic plate in my mouth that extends from my bite between my teeth to the back of my throat. It's supposed to be there to set my new bite in place and train my jaw. Back to the dreams...the other night I had a dream that I had so much taffy in my mouth I couldn't get my teeth open. During today's nap I dreamed that I had such a huge wad of gum in my mouth that it was suffocating me. These are both directly related to how this splint feels in my mouth when I am conscious. but the GOOD NEWS is: on Tuesday Dr. Wyatt is going to remove the split!!!!! I am counting down the minutes.

Talking is still difficult and unnatural. People notice. So I'm a little bit embarrassed to go anywhere, especially where prolonged interactions are required. For example: the other day I went to pick myself up some soup from a take-out order my husband called in for me. I tried to keep it short and sweet and enunciate a curt "Pick up for Aubrey" to the guy at the register, doing my best with my teeth wired shut and this big ole splint smashing down my tongue. But then he started asking me questions about my credit card and things just got awkward. When I was walking away with my face red and soup in hand, he called out "God Bless You"......Trust me he did not look like the overly religious type. This is what I'm talking about here! People think I'm like permanently disabled and disfigured.  I am growing so empathetic for people with real disability.

Okay so the good news is the headaches have gone down! I still get one every once in a while, but they are soooo manageable compared to the ones during the first 2 weeks. I HOPE it's because my muscles are finally getting used to my new jaw structure. Or it could just be the fact that I went and got a massage (totally awkward trying to explain to her my jaw situation, whole other story), and I took a muscle relaxant. However, something strange happened after I took the muscle relaxant. I got the worst RLS! For 2 days and 2 nights I had to keep my legs moving or I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. It's the strangest thing. I went on walks, marched in front of the TV, hung on to the side of the pool and kicked my legs around like a lunatic....nothing seemed to help. Only time has been helpful. They still feel a little bit restless, but are improving I think. I am so baffled about why I am afflicted with this strange condition....was it truly the muscle relaxant? Was it sitting around for 2 weeks straight? Was it some sort of side effect of coming off pain meds? Dont know.

Okay look carefully at that jaw below. Does it look even to you? Me neither. What the heck Dr. Wyatt? If I had done this surgery for cosmetic reasons I would be beyond furious. But as it is, I'm just hoping for a normal bite and a jaw joint that's happy and relaxed. But who knows, maybe it's just the swelling is going down unevenly? Here's to hoping...

Side view

Here's an angle just so you can see how the swelling persists. I mean check out those cheeks! Check out that upper lip! Now you know what I mean by T-Rex jowls.

Today I moved my head to the right and there was a sharp pain that zipped below my right jawline. Oh how I wished it was the other jaw giving me pain, because then I could brush it off as a "normal recovery pain." But the left side of my jaw, if you'll remember, is where that blasted SHRAPNEL from the surgery is wedged. Could it be floating around and jabbing into my poor tortured jaw bone? Could it be floating the other way, ready to poke itself right out of my skin? Could it be making its way up to my brain? THESE are valid concerns that inevitably Dr. Wyatt will brush off. Well, I'll still going to voice them, even if I end up being the crazy patient that the whole office staff laughs about at happy hour.

My tongue feels fuzzy. Have you ever had that? Where if you don't brush your teeth for a while, things start to feel fuzzy in there? It's disgusting and driving me crazyyyy, but I can't get a toothbrush inside so there ain't a thing I can do about it. So....I sleep.

G'night!